Monday, March 3, 2008

Project Say Something: Soundtrack to a Funeral

This week’s topic has been really difficult for me. I don’t do death. Not the idea of mine or anyone else’s. I think of losing even my dog and the tears start. There are those people who are fine with it, who accept it and are comfortable with it. I’m happy for them. I’m not one of them. Well, except that I accept it because, after all, you can’t really deny it. But I’m not okay with it. I’m terrified of it. So when Shane gave us the task of selecting 60 minutes worth of music we would have played at our funeral (including the why), I wanted to run and hide under a rock or something. But I didn’t. I obsessed over it. I thought about it every waking minute. It completely took over and I started thinking about every death I’ve ever had to get through, every funeral I ever attended and it ripped my heart out again and again. And it also made my heart pour out all over again for those families I know who suffered such a loss. Especially the ones that were children and so unexpected.

I’ve only been to a handful of funerals. (Some may say that’s fortunate. I wouldn’t disagree.) Only one of those was not an LDS funeral. Given that I am no longer practicing, I imagine it would be safe to assume my funeral would not be the standard LDS funeral. So I’m kind of screwed. I have no idea how they work otherwise, how the music plays in, how it “works.” I do, however, know, my funeral better not last an hour. Eee gads.

It’s really hard thinking up music for a funeral – let alone my own. But even harder than that was trying to figure out “why” for some of the choices. I’ll try to list the why, but if the why isn’t there it’s because there just aren’t words to explain it. It’s a feeling. There is some music that causes such a response in me, not like an emotional response – more like it’s conversing with my soul. It’s just so moving and beautiful it’s indescribable. There are a few of those on that list. Otherwise, if you want further explanation in my lovely Kimese (the kind that makes no sense to anyone but a select few), just ask and I’ll give it a shot.

So without further ado (and obsessing and wallowing), my music:

Let’s Get it Started – Black Eyed Peas
Let’s Go Crazy – Prince
Get the Party Started – Pink

I’m kidding. Geeze, people. I had to lighten up the mood of this gloomy post somehow!

Moonlight Sonata – Beethoven
Oh. My. Just. Because. If I had my way, this piece wouldn’t only be played at my funeral but I would be listening to it as I die. Everything would be okay then. (Morbid, I know. Sorry.)

If I, for some reason, die before my grandmother, I want her to play Red Roses for a Blue Lady. (Otherwise, it can be scratched.) Listening to her play and sing that song when I was a little girl is one of my favorite memories of going out to visit them.

I Will Follow You into the Dark – Death Cab for Cooties Cutie
It’s a good death song. An even better love song. But here, I have to use it for the death purpose obviously.

Cristofori’s Dream – David Lantz
A beautiful, moving piece of music. That falls under the "just because" category (as, I guess, most of these do anyway)

Fly – Celine Dion
Oh come on, of course I’m going to have a sappy, sick, Celine song. And of course it’s her sappy, sweet song about death. Get over it.

Walking After You – Foo Fighters
Because. I. Have. To. There’s just no question about that.

I Believe – Kory Kunz
I want to believe.

Daisies of the Galaxy – Eels
Dan knows why. I can't explain why.

Hey Man (Now You’re Really Livin’) – Eels
Because there is no reason it shouldn’t end completely upbeat! It’ll be dedicated to everyone in attendance that day….

Seriously, I’m not a huge music person anymore. There is very little that hold true meaning and depth for me. The ones that do are listed here. So this isn’t 60 minutes but to fill the time, you can just put Moonlight Sonata on repeat and call it good.


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