Thursday, November 13, 2008

Project Say Something: Life on Repeat

If you could go back to any point in your life - not to change anything but just to experience/enjoy it/whatever - again, when would it be?
I think it would be my senior year in high school. Not because high school was anything great, hello! It was high school. But because that's when I started to really figure out who I am. And I learned it was okay to worry about me and care about me and that it was okay to be a little selfish and to look out for myself and to truly stand up for myself. It was also the first time I really recognized - or acknowledged, maybe - what happiness felt like. It was a big issue for me that year for some reason. Very focused on how happy I was not. And then one night, after a long conversation about it with some friends, I remember driving around in the dark in a snow storm. The night was so bright and the world was covered in a fresh layer of bright white snow and in driving around in that, in seeing everything covered so perfectly and beautifully, I felt - maybe recognized - for the first time ever a feeling of complete content, that everything was okay and right and beautiful. Even me. To have that exact feeling again - ESPECIALLY right now - would be awesome. That was when I started the never-ending process of self-evaluation, of always searching for ways to make me better. And I realized it was okay if I cared about that, about me instead of everyone else first. It was the year I did the most growing up (though I am the first one to admit to the people I knew then that it certainly wasn't enough) and the most changing. There were a lot of wonderful things that happened that year, and a number of not so wonderful things as well. But I would go back to it just to remind myself when I need it that I am worth something, that I am good at something, that there simply is value there when I lose it. It's one time in my life that that all become very clear, very easily to me.

No comments:

Post a Comment