Friday Confessional

I Confess:

Today is kindergarten orientation and I look at my sassy little 4-year old and think, But!!! she’s so little, she's so sweet, she's so trusting, she’s not ready for the big, cruel, mean, hurtful, evil world out there. I know I’m a lot more cynical, bitter, jaded, did I mention cynical?! than most, but the idea of sending an innocent little child off into the world not only scares the hell out of me, it makes me angry at the people out there who make it such a difficult, bad place to be.  

I Confess:

I am frustrated with myself that I can’t do more to prepare her – or myself for that matter – for what’s to come in her world. I know we all want to protect our kids, shield them from all the bad things. And I know we all know that’s not possible, it's the wrong way to go, not good for them, not healthy for them. Or for us! But that doesn’t make the fear go away, or the anxiety.

I Confess:

Listening to her talk about kindergarten – the excitement in her voice and in her eyes, not having a clue what she’s getting herself into, but thrilled nonetheless - melts my heart.  Approaching the new and unknown with no fear, no anxiety, just an eagerness to explore and learn and experience…

I Confess…..

…. She totally didn’t get that from me!

Friday Confessional: Mischievous Monkeys

I Confess

My first baby was a hard baby. She was very colicky. She cried a lot. I cried a lot. I was terrified of having a second baby and having to go through that first year again.

I Confess

The first year with the second baby was a breeze. She was a wonderful baby. 

I Confess

My first toddler was an angel. She was so well-behaved and listened and wasn’t mischievous and naughty. She stayed out of things, stayed away from things, stayed off of things, understood the word “no.”

I Confess

The second one? Oh good heavens. She makes me want Valium even thinking about her at times. She has SO much personality, so much energy, so much LIFE, so much SASS!!!! that I am just amazed by her daily.

I Confess

I will ask her to not do something and she will look me square in the eye, flash an evil grin, and do it anyway.

I Confess

She is defiant. She is stubborn. She is sassy. She is devilish. She is naughty. She is too smart for her own good, or anyone else’s.

I Confess

She is so sweet, so generous, so loving and lovable that I can hardly stand it.

I Confess

I believe these sisters swap personality traits back and forth. They are opposites of each other at each phase in life. This terrifies me. And yet endears and excites me. They are fun. They are so different. They are so similar.

I Confess

They are evil. And I love them both more than life itself. Even when the red pasta sauce is flying at the carpet and my head while that little one cackles.

            
Careful, she will lure you in and trick you with her perfectly adorable adorableness.

On the List of Things I Swore I Would Never Do

We all have them - the endless lists of things *we'll* never do when we have kids or things *our* kids will never do. Don't lie. You had them, too. Probably still do. I did. I do.

One of those things on my list of things I will NEVER do, nu-uh, no way, don't care, wouldn't love ANY kid of mine enough for *that* involves St. Patrick's Day. For years I have heard stories about those naughty, little, mischievous leprechauns and how they sneak in and wreak havoc all over the place. Making messes, opening doors, playing nasty little pranks and GASP! leaving silly string!! in their tracks. SILLY STRING!!! Hello! That stuff is a mess. (And apparently really stinks. Thanks for the warning, people.) Well, no way was *I* going to let any leprechauns come in to our house and make crazy messes and wreak any havoc whatsoever. Why do that to myself knowing I have to clean up?? No sir, not me, I wasn't falling for it.

And here's where I can't even say "but then I had kids of my own." No. I still stood by this "No Naughty Leprechaun" rule through the first FOUR St. Patrick's Days. I did well. But then... THEN... The 4-year old was so incredibly excited for St. Patrick's Day and all the craziness that comes with those little prankster leprechauns. She loved it last year and she's been talking about it for weeks this year. And so.... I caved. I gave in. I broke my own rule.

                                   
I let those naughty leprechauns in to my home this year. But there were rules! They HAD to stay in the toy room. And well, that's about where the rules ended. We made a leprechaun trap to try to catch one. (HE can clean up his mess if we do, right??) We put the sparkly, shiny, jewels 'n gold out, knowing they can't resist. And they didn't. They tore through the kitchen. They got in the pantry and got out baggies of Lucky Charms cereal they even used OUR paper and pencils to trace and cut out shamrocks to put on things. They left some of their gold and their jewels behind. And. And. And..... They left silly string behind. Everywhere.

Blasted leprechauns.

And you know what? The mess is STILL there. We didn't catch any leprechauns to make clean up after themselves so I will have to do it myself. But when Li'l Miss M came running up the stairs this morning yelling, "Mommy!! We caught one! I really think we caught one!", yeah... okay.... I eat my words - it was totally worth it.

My Virginian

Today marks the point where Li'l Miss M has officially lived in Utah for longer than she lived in Virginia.  Not a big deal, really.  Except that it makes me a little sad and a lot "homesick." She's started asking questions about it and talking about Virginia a bit lately.  When you ask her what she remembers about living in Virginia, she always answers, "Jaysen," or "Jaysen's dog."  You can bank on one of those being her answer.  She can add a few things to the list, Jaysen's mom, Jaysen's dad, but that's really about it.  She doesn't really remember her day care or the friends and teachers she had there.  She loves to look at pictures of her life "way back then" and they can spark a few memories here and there.  She's been fascinated lately about things "when SHE was a baby."  I think now that she relates her sister's age to having been there herself, it's much more interesting to her.  I'm sure she doesn't remember having to sit in her carseat for an hour+ to and from day care every day or that to play with friends we had to do that exact same drive.  Those are memories I *hope* she blocks out because boy, do I wish I could!  I do enjoy sitting with her and telling her the stories behind the pictures - seeing what sparks recognition, interest, excitement.  Life was very different for all of us then.  I mean, she didn't even have a little sister to torment her there!  I know as she grows older, the memories of everything will fade.  And while she still does ask to 'go visit Jaysen someday' (completely without prompting sometimes!), I'm sure the memories of her own that she does have will fall away too. 

Someday I hope to get her back there and show her the places where and people with whom she spent the first two and a half years of her life.  She may live here the rest of her hopefully insanely long life, but she will always be my little Virginian. 

(The pictures are two of the last we took before we left there)

TEN YEARS

Ten years ago I got married. Some days it seems like it's flown by. Sometimes it seems like it's been forever. Given that we were together for 7 years before we married, forever is - well - more accurate.  So in honor of our tenth anniversary, here are my top 10 memories of our wedding and ten reasons why I still love that poor fool who has to put up with me. 


#10 I forgot to put my veil down before I walked out and down the aisle. It has tormented me since. 
#9 Walking down the aisle to the Foo Fighters. Who needs the wedding march?
#8 The cake was beautiful but absolutely disgusting. Fondant really is gross.
#7 There is a picture of me in my fancy, proper wedding attire with my mouth full of chewed cake, mouth wide open, tongue sticking out. I'm nothing if not prim and proper.
#6 And yet I refused to allow Dan to push cake in my face. And he respected me enough to not do it.

#5 Dan lifting my sister so high he bashed her head on the rather low ceiling.
#4 Being really angry that they screwed up the invitations so we were still taking pictures HALF way in to the reception.
#3 My vase.
#2 Making everyone go outside in at least a foot of freshly fallen snow after the wedding to take pictures. And the bridesmaids in spaghetti straps did it without a word cuz they love me. (And they're insane.)

And my absolutely, positively very most favorite memory from it all:
#1 "Are you Cinderella????" Asked by my friend's 4-year old daughter. Those three words made the entire ordeal more than worth it. 

#10 Uhhh... let's see... he puts up with me! That should count for all ten reasons right there.
#9 While he may not involve himself, he supports any decision I make.
#8 I'm an emotional, flighty, run-by-my-heart nutcase. He keeps me grounded - brings some logic to my insanity.
#7 Even though I know he'd rather spend his time in his game, he still does things just because I want him to.
#6 He lets me have my own life and interests (even if he does make endless fun of me for them).
#5 He is way more patient than I am or could ever be so that is very good for our kids. (That, or he just doesn't pay any attention....)
#4 With every new realization of how big of a dork I really am, he doesn't love me any less (and trust me, there are A LOT of them).
#3 The way he teaches the girls things - so patient and calm and collected. (So very NOT me)
#2 Did I mention he puts up with me??
#1 No matter what, no matter how mad I am or how much I just want to beat him with my shoe, he can ALWAYS make me laugh.

Let's see if he can put up with me another ten... I sure hope he does.

New Year's Resolutions to Forget About in a Week

Uhhh... blog more. Do you think I have any idea whatsoever of what has happened in my life in the last year? Not a freaking clue. MUST. Write. Things. Down. (Or type, I guess)

Get a freaking bedtime routine (and TIME!) for that stinkin' kid. The baby has one. It's great. Now I just need to convince the 4-year old. Mommy needs some Mommy time!!

Re-evaluate relationships in my life. Let go of the long-dead, toxic ones to make room for the ones that need some additional work and attention.

Pay attention to birthdays. I always feel so guilty when I watch one approach and then a week (or more) later think, "Ah! Crap! I totally forgot!!!"

Think things through. Organize. Plan. Schedule. PAY ATTENTION. Try to have some semblance of knowing what the heck is going on in my world.

Take a picture every day. And organize the bajillion I already have on my computer.

Make time for ME things. The baby is getting old enough to entertain herself or play with her sister. I want to dig out the 8 million projects I have in the basement and actually do them. Also, keep a list of the projects I do want to do so that when I have time I am not left wondering what the hell it was I had been wanting to do when I got a minute. (See above!)

Make healthier (physically and mentally/emotionally) lifestyle choices. My kids learn from me. Right now I am completely dissatisfied with what they are learning. Change my habits to change and create theirs.

Try one new recipe a month. And make that husband of mine actually walk away from his computer long enough to eat it WITH the family. That, or kick his butt. I'd probably have more luck with kicking his butt..... But hey, I'm a dreamer, remember?

What? You think this is a lot? Too many to actually focus on and have any real luck doing? Well, here's my theory - create so many that by default, I'm bound to accidentally fall into one or two.

What are yours? Share! I need more to add to my list and I know you have better ones than I do!

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme

TodaysMama and GameStop are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What is your holiday wish for your family?

My holiday wish for my family is that we can enjoy (and survive) spending it at home, alone. With the exception of the time we were in Virginia, we have always gone to Vernal to spend the holiday with our families. But now that the kids are getting older, I think it’s important for them to have Christmas morning at their house. For now. I am sure that will change as they get even older… and we can afford to spend Christmas elsewhere, you know, like Disneyland! So instead of trying to hit everyone’s houses and make everyone happy in a day this year, I hope we can just enjoy the time together with just the four of us. (Who am I kidding??? I’ll be ready to take the kids back to day care and get back to work by noon!!!)

2. What is your Christmas morning tradition?

Nightmare Before Christmas playing in the background while we open presents. Crepes for breakfast. Making huge messes with wrapping paper and not really caring to clean them up. I have a feeling this will be the year that the REALLY early mornings start from the excitement of little kids. Before, we’d been able to put it all off til 8 or 9 or so. I’m not looking forward to the 4:30 AM, “Has Santa come yet??????” So maybe we’ll have to create some “traditions” to help stall the kids!

3. If you could ask Santa for one, completely decadent wish for yourself, what would it be?

A trip to Paris would be lovely.

But really? A week spent here would be absolutely divine. And unlike the selfishness of Paris, the whole family would enjoy it. But no one more than me! Seriously – LOOK at that bed! And the bathroom!!

4. How do you make the holidays special without spending any money?

Putting Nightmare Before Christmas on repeat. Making silly, crafty kid things with the girls. Listening to Christmas music and trying to do nice, simple things for friends – making cards, baking goodies. (From stuff I already have, not spending money to buy new stuff of course. Especially since this year, that’s just not an option ;) )

5. What games did you play with your family growing up?

I don’t really remember playing games around the holidays. As I got older Dominos was a big deal with my family for a while. I think I should start considering that as a holiday tradition for my family. Especially before the girls are too old and think games and family have cooties!

6. What holiday tradition have you carried on from your own childhood?

My parents used to let us open one gift on Christmas Eve and it was always a new pair of pajamas. I have done the same with my kids. We also used to watch some version of The Nativity but we have replaced that with reading The Night Before Christmas with our kids.

7. Where would you go for a Christmas-away-from-home trip?

See question #1 and #3. I think there is a theme here. Disneyland. Hands down. Someday I might consider venturing to Disneyworld but I will always be perfectly happy with Disneyland. Disneyland, my family and Christmas… nothing is a better “feel good” combination in the world.

8. Check out GameStop and tell us, what are the three top items on your GameStop Wish List this year?

A Nintendo DSi Pink, of course. Xbox Kinect. And Personal Trainer: Cooking for the DS. Yeah… I could live with those….