Home Sweet Not My Home Anymore

Three years ago we listed our house in Virginia for sale. As you can see from the entry, we were really hoping to have it sold within six months. Boy, were we optimistic. We just signed the papers today. It closes on Friday. We're breathing a huge sigh of relief and there isn't a piece of me that isn't happy that we're done with it - it's been nothing but a heartache and a headache for too many years. But it's also quite sad. We really did love that house. We'll never again be able to have anything like it (architecture here is just slightly different from there) and it was pretty darned close to perfect for what we want in a home. It's also the last piece of VA we have, the last tie we have to that part of the world, that life. Now we're done. So that's a little sad. But HOT DOG! We're done with it! I'd say we can move on and move forward now, but it really doesn't change anything. (The renters are gone and that's a wonderful thing all on its own!!!) Other than we will no longer have the fear of some other random expense coming out of the blue looming over our heads anymore. Which, take the good where you can find it, right?

Goodbye, house. I've missed you. I'll always hold a special place in my heart for you and long for the spacious floor plan you gave us. But hot damn, am I glad you're someone else's responsibility now.

Make-up Tips from a 3-year Old

Teriyaki sauce makes a great eyebrow treatment, it smoothes and darkens.

Tempura dipping sauce is a great blush.

The best method of application is with chopsticks, of course.

These are all things I learned after leaving her alone at the table with her dad and grampy for all of two minutes. I should have snapped an "after" picture but was too worried about how much teriyaki sauce was dripping down her forehead.

In other sushi news, I actually ate this. Voluntarily. No, I don't eat things that swim. Yes, it was fish. No, it wasn't cooked. Yes, I actually kind of liked it.

I wonder how it would fit into the make-up routine....

So It's Been a While...

So December came and went. And January came and went. And what do you know, it's the middle of February. So I'm just going to write off the updates I have missed. Sure, I could go back and TRY to remember things but well, I can't remember anything about anything. So I'll just say, this baby is awesome. She is huge (and yet, miniature in comparison to babies half her age). She is starting to attempt the sitting up by herself thing. She's been sick more days than well. She adores her sister beyond belief. She sleeps like crap anymore even though we have had a few nights where she sleeps the whole night through and I have to wake her up in the morning (hello! could you give me a few more of those please??). She's not interested in the whole "food" thing - she's still convinced it's going to gag her. She rolls everywhere. She's absolutely adorable and everyone she sees falls in love with her. She's just awesome. See for yourself:

 

To My Sister

 

 

Remember when you had cooties? Remember when I would kick and scream and BEG mom to NOT make me take you with me places? Remember when I would pick on you relentlessly and be so mean and treat you like you were the biggest nuisance/inconvenience/twerp in all the world? Remember the golf tees? I am so sorry for all that. I was an awful big sister.

Watching Elena and Madeleine lately has given me a completely new perspective on siblings - specifically sisters. Sure, right now Madeleine thinks Elena is pretty cool and can't wait to share her things with her- her toys, her food, her clothes, her stories. But being a big sister, I know that's temporary. I look at Elena and the way she looks at Madeleine and she's only 6 months old but you can see the adoration in her eyes. You can see how much she already looks up to her big sister and thinks she's the coolest thing ever. That's not going to change nearly as quickly and her heart is going to be broken when Madeleine doesn't want her tagging along with her everywhere or doesn't want to share everything she has with her anymore.

We had some pictures taken a few weeks ago and we could not get Elena to look at the camera because she was too busy watching and smiling at Madeleine. Every chance she gets, she's watching her sister, laughing, giggling, reaching out for her. Madeleine can get her to laugh and squeal and giggle and calm down easier than anyone else. It's the most adorable thing I could have ever imagined. And yet it throws the reality of sisterhood in my face.

I hope in twenty-some years Madeleine can make this realization and tell her sister how absolutely damn cool she is and that she could never ask for a better sister and she's so glad they've grown up to be such amazing and close friends.

So thanks, sister, for putting up with me and not hating me for being the big sister that big sisters just sometimes are.

Baby Jail

Our day care has the cutest little beds for the babies to take naps. I just had to share.

I just love going in to pick her up and seeing her locked up in these. It looks so cozy and secure and safe. And it's just really stinkin' cute.

Time is Going Much Too Quickly Anymore

We were having a conversation at work the other day about how time seems to go by so much more quickly as you get older. And then even more quickly once you have kids. And even more quickly with each kid you have. I wouldn't disagree. WHERE did 2009 go? Oh right, I was pregnant and miserable the first half and then in new baby stupor the second half.... So trying to pin anything down at all is a little difficult and yet, I will try.

The 5 biggest events of 2009 for us were - well, wow, this was a really crazy year. Dan's company went crazy and a portion spun off to make a new company giving him an entirely different job. I got a new job after being lucky enough to have 5 months with Madeleine. We moved in to our own place after having been with friends and family for - what some days felt like forever. And, yes, I'm going chronologically and not by importance because of course the best part is having the little monster baby. ()Who totally rocks, by the way.) And the fifth biggest event? We survived. Intact. All still breathing, all still together, all still happy. And looking forward to yet another year. With just a little hope that this year is definitively better than the last two.

There are a few things I am looking forward to this year. While we have no grand plans, no big dreams or life-altering events in the works, there are a few small things that will be nice to see take place. We'll be moving again and oddly enough, yes, I am excited about that. I just wish it were an easy decision as to where. (Yes, it's still in Utah, we're not going anywhere.) I'm looking exceptionally forward to being able to put the baby down and let her do her own thing so I can get things done on occasion. But I am by no means going to rush that. (I often tell myself when she won't stop screaming or won't sleep or won't let me put her down that it will all be gone too soon so enjoy it, funny the difference that makes.) I also look forward to her sleeping schedule getting a little better so maybe I can get a little more sleep. And on that note, the other one's too. Maybe. That could just be a pipe dream. This is also the last year Miss M will be in day care full time. Crazy. And cool. But mostly crazy. I guess, mostly, I'm just looking really forward to moving. Yeah, that's the biggest.

I am not one for resolutions but there are a few things I would like to see myself do this year - a few random goals I guess. I really want to regain control of me and who I am. I feel like I've lost that. The goal really is figuring out how to do that so that I can. Debt reduction, of course. That's the biggest. By no means will one year give us a big stride, but baby steps is all I'm asking. I need to get out more. I have too much anxiety and fear to leave the house anymore and making friends is next to impossible but I have realized that is something that really does matter to me. So my goal is to stop making excuses and just go do it. I'd love to say "blog more" but we all know that would be setting myself up for failure. So instead, I'll make it a bit more broad and say write things down more. And take more pictures. Poor Elena isn't going to have any proof she existed. I need to work on that. Huh, I guess these are resolutions. I just needed to force myself to sit down and think it out.

And since an all text post from me is just pointless when I know most people who read this site anymore just want to see pictures of the stinkin' kids.....

This is how we brought the year in... December 31, 2008 Madeleine fell asleep at 11:55 PM, missed it by minutes:

And this is how it went out... Madeleine so excited, screaming the countdown with her cousins and awake for another hour and a half afterward:

And instead, this time, it was her sister who fell asleep at 11:55 PM after refusing for hours and hours and hours to only last 10 minutes and wake back up ready for more. And, of course, I got distracted on my way to take the picture and so didn't so there aren't any of her first New Year's Eve party. See. I suck. She does exist, I swear.

And this is how my demon-monster-angel-babies spent New Year's Day:

 

In their jammies. All of us, all day. What better way to bring in a new year than being completely lazy, watching movies and hanging out having a great day!

November Recap

I'm not even going to call it an update because I kind of suck. I took next to NO pictures during the month of November and I paid very little attention to remember anything of note. Hmmm... maybe if I would post more often that wouldn't be an issue. Go figure.

But there are some big things about this month. Like, how on the first day of this month I got really, really brave and put her to bed in her own bed in her own room thinking it was useless. Turns out it totally wasn't. How cool is that? She's been in her own room, in her own bed all month. And it's usually fairly easy. It's been crazy. As in CRAZY COOL! Sure, I still end up in there with her and she's not sleeping through the night yet but I have my room and my nights back! Well, mostly. There is that sister of hers...

She's very attentive and has to be looking around all the time. She's not too thrilled about sitting still and doesn't really like you to sit down while you hold her. So that's fun. There's just too much to see in her world I guess. She still smiles all the time and has started to giggle hysterically at times. It's a riot to play with her. Diaper changes and clothes changes that should take only 1 or 2 minutes take at least 10 because she's too much fun to play with. And forget about hurrying to get ready in the mornings if she's awake. She should not be so cute and happy and fun to play with. Really. It would sure save me a whole lot of time.

I've been a lot more daring to venture out with this one. She has a lot more pleasant and mellow a temperament than Madeleine did so my anxiety is a little lessened this time around. Though the idea of taking them both somewhere - alone - still sends me into a panic. And yet I braved Disney on Ice with the two of them to go with my sister and her daughter. They were both surprisingly well behaved. I guess I don't really mind taking them out to things like that, it's the idea of shopping that makes me want to poke my eyes out. Shopping has become a thing of the past. Seriously - I haven't been grocery shopping since my mother-in-law was here. It's pathetic. But other things - like Disney on Ice, the occasional movie, activity-type things, are actually quite enjoyable with the two of them. But tasks. Oh, tasks. I'll pass.

Obviously she had her first Thanksgiving this year but really, can you count it as the "first Thanksgiving" if they can't even eat anything? She spent most of the long weekend crying and not sleeping. Maybe she really likes her routines and what she's familiar and comfortable with. She really did like hanging out with my dad in his big comfy chair though. She'd get situated just right and pass right out. Just in time for her to have to be moved for some reason which would wake her up and piss her off all over again.

I think the saddest part about this month has been that I have had to start seriously supplementing with formula for her. That's been really hard. I beat myself up for a really long time and tried so hard to put it off but then it just became not an option any longer. And, of course, she's still tiny but I swear she is gaining weight much more quickly now that she's actually get some actual food in to her on a regular basis. I'm still breastfeeding when I am with her but I have accepted the fact that I cannot supply nearly enough for her demand. It's extremely frustrating, sad and defeating for me.

 

 

She and Madeleine are already awesome buddies. The only time Elena takes steps is when she's going toward Madeleine, otherwise she's content just standing around. And she grins and jabbers to her big sister like she's the coolest thing on earth. And I KNOW that's not going to last so I will eat that up for as long as I possibly can. Well, that part of it may last but the big sister LETTING the little sister do it is another story. (Yeah, I'm a big sister. I know all about that.) I have started having some issues with Madeleine and the "new baby" that I really had expected to see at the beginning that would go away over time. It seems for us though they had to build up. She'll try to push her away from me, or take her off my lap or try to do mean things (thank heavens I've always caught her and they haven't been TOO mean so far). But we've been having all sorts of issues with Madeleine lately. Which breaks my heart. She used to be such a GOOD little girl, so happy and friendly and sweet. Now she's just mean. And can throw a fit like you wouldn't believe. And does! I'm trying really hard to give her some of her very own attention every day but I'm not the greatest mom (some days I wouldn't even say I'm a good mom) and I still get so frustrated and impatient with her, yelling at her and snapping at her and just getting plain angry. It's hard to be patient and consistent when she's throwing such a fit and I've got the baby crying in one arm while trying to deal with the screaming, unreasonable, flailing demon she too often is anymore. I was terrified of the first year with the baby because of the baby, not because of the other child. I had no idea it would be THIS hard. But at the same time, when they're both smiling and we're laughing and playing and being silly, I had no idea it could be THIS rewarding and simply awesome.