Caoonting to Zoe

Dear First-Grade Daughter Learning to Spell,

          I know you know I am a bit insane when it comes to spelling. I know your teacher tells you spelling doesn't matter right now, she just wants to get you guys writing words and working on your handwriting. I understand that. I really do. However. I can't let go. Spelling is a big thing for me. A really big thing. So....

         In English, we actually spell it cOUnted (pounce, hound, found, round). The "ou" makes that sound. Unless of course we're writing about a cOW (pow, how, now, bow). Oh, except there is bow that rhymes with tow, like what you would do to a car (row, mow, show, low). Unless, of course, you're writing about the things on the end of your feet, in which case, it would be spelled toe (doe, foe, hoe). But then, oh then, then there is "oe" like in Chloe and Zoe. And you know what? You go right ahead and write it "caoonted." The English language is a terrible form of torture, sweety. We have plenty of years to torment you with it.

                            Love,
                                 Your Mommy Who NEVER in a MILLION YEARS Thought She Would EVER, ever, ever, ever, ever Cave on Spelling