I'm not even going to call it an update
because I kind of suck. I took next to NO pictures during the month of November
and I paid very little attention to remember anything of note. Hmmm... maybe if
I would post more often that wouldn't be an issue. Go figure.
But there are some big things about this
month. Like, how on the first day of this month I got really, really brave and
put her to bed in her own bed in her own room thinking it was useless. Turns
out it totally wasn't. How cool is that? She's been in her own room, in her own
bed all month. And it's usually fairly easy. It's been crazy. As in CRAZY COOL!
Sure, I still end up in there with her and she's not sleeping through the night
yet but I have my room and my nights back! Well, mostly. There is that sister
of hers...
She's very attentive and has to be looking
around all the time. She's not too thrilled about sitting still and doesn't
really like you to sit down while you hold her. So that's fun. There's just too
much to see in her world I guess. She still smiles all the time and has started
to giggle hysterically at times. It's a riot to play with her. Diaper changes
and clothes changes that should take only 1 or 2 minutes take at least 10
because she's too much fun to play with. And forget about hurrying to get ready
in the mornings if she's awake. She should not be so cute and happy and fun to
play with. Really. It would sure save me a whole lot of time.
I've been a lot more daring to venture out
with this one. She has a lot more pleasant and mellow a temperament than
Madeleine did so my anxiety is a little lessened this time around. Though the
idea of taking them both somewhere - alone - still sends me into a panic. And
yet I braved Disney on Ice with the two of them to go with my sister and her
daughter. They were both surprisingly well behaved. I guess I don't really mind
taking them out to things like that, it's the idea of shopping that makes me
want to poke my eyes out. Shopping has become a thing of the past. Seriously -
I haven't been grocery shopping since my mother-in-law was here. It's pathetic.
But other things - like Disney on Ice, the occasional movie, activity-type
things, are actually quite enjoyable with the two of them. But tasks. Oh,
tasks. I'll pass.
Obviously she had her first Thanksgiving this
year but really, can you count it as the "first Thanksgiving" if they
can't even eat anything? She spent most of the long weekend crying and not
sleeping. Maybe she really likes her routines and what she's familiar and
comfortable with. She really did like hanging out with my dad in his big comfy
chair though. She'd get situated just right and pass right out. Just in time
for her to have to be moved for some reason which would wake her up and piss
her off all over again.
I think the saddest part about this month has
been that I have had to start seriously supplementing with formula for her.
That's been really hard. I beat myself up for a really long time and tried so
hard to put it off but then it just became not an option any longer. And, of
course, she's still tiny but I swear she is gaining weight much more quickly
now that she's actually get some actual food in to her on a regular basis. I'm
still breastfeeding when I am with her but I have accepted the fact that I
cannot supply nearly enough for her demand. It's extremely frustrating, sad and
defeating for me.
She and Madeleine are already awesome
buddies. The only time Elena takes steps is when she's going toward Madeleine,
otherwise she's content just standing around. And she grins and jabbers to her
big sister like she's the coolest thing on earth. And I KNOW that's not going
to last so I will eat that up for as long as I possibly can. Well, that part of
it may last but the big sister LETTING the little sister do it is another
story. (Yeah, I'm a big sister. I know all about that.) I have started having
some issues with Madeleine and the "new baby" that I really had
expected to see at the beginning that would go away over time. It seems for us
though they had to build up. She'll try to push her away from me, or take her
off my lap or try to do mean things (thank heavens I've always caught her and
they haven't been TOO mean so far). But we've been having all sorts of issues
with Madeleine lately. Which breaks my heart. She used to be such a GOOD little
girl, so happy and friendly and sweet. Now she's just mean. And can throw a fit
like you wouldn't believe. And does! I'm trying really hard to give her some of
her very own attention every day but I'm not the greatest mom (some days I
wouldn't even say I'm a good mom) and I still get so frustrated and impatient
with her, yelling at her and snapping at her and just getting plain angry. It's
hard to be patient and consistent when she's throwing such a fit and I've got
the baby crying in one arm while trying to deal with the screaming, unreasonable,
flailing demon she too often is anymore. I was terrified of the first year with
the baby because of the baby, not because of the other child. I had no idea it
would be THIS hard. But at the same time, when they're both smiling and we're
laughing and playing and being silly, I had no idea it could be THIS rewarding
and simply awesome.
