Project Say Something: I'm Sorry. So Sorry.

Here I go again. And this time - I *will* get caught up!

"Write a letter of apology to someone who you've wronged any time in the past."

This is such a good question and I have had weeks to think about it and I just cannot come up with an answer I feel is as good an answer as the question deserves. Though I am sure there is a large (very large - I probably can't count that high large) number of letters of apology I could and probably should write.
Dear Shane,
I know you miss us. I know we had all just started to become really good friends. I wish we didn't have to move away too. I am sorry we left you out there alone. I'm sorry we let you guys get so close to Madeleine and then just ripped her away from you. And I'm really sorry I suck at conversation so I never IM you and you think you've been completely abandoned and forgotten. You'll never be forgotten. Though I can't promise about the abandoned, I kind of suck at being a good friend.
Dear Dan,

I'm really sorry you didn't get what you wanted yesterday. I'm also sorry you're in there watching a movie alone because you think this TV is too small and I think that couch isn't comfy and would rather stay in here and type silly blog posts. (Also, it's a sad movie and I don't like sad movies, sorry.)

To Just About Every Friend I've Ever Had,

I wish I were better at being a friend than I am. I'm sorry I so easily let myself fall away and the friendship die. That I am not willing to take the time and initiative to keep the friendship going - especially now that it's so easy, given email and instant messaging. I don't even have to pick up the phone or leave my house and I still can't make the effort. And I'm especially sorry to those of you from whom I've just walked away without any notice or explanation or anything. Especially when you were very, very close friends. I'm just not very good at small talk or initiating or carrying conversations. I'm really kind of boring and I let it get the best of me. Even at the cost of some amazing people. I deeply apologize for that. I am trying to work on it. I know it's a little late for some but hopefully it prevents others.

And lastly,

Dear Mom and Dad,

Holy Toledo. I am SO very sorry for all the ridiculously STUPID things I did growing up. I know I've said it before and I know I'll say it a million more times. More to hopefully avoid karma than anything, really! But man, I am sure sorry for all the unnecessary insanity and chaos and drama I caused in my youth. Aren't you so glad (and completely and totally surprised and shocked all to hell) that I turned out so well? (Who'd have ever guessed?? Not you, that's for sure.)

With deepest regret and apologies to you all,

Kim

Listening to Myself Through the Mouth of a Two-Year Old

I am sitting here listening to the toddler boss the 6-lb Chihuahua around the house.

"Come here, Peko! Go upstairs. Now. Peko, Come. One! Two! Three! Now!"

Oh my.

I so need to be a better parent! She's kinda bossy!!

(Even though it is funny and cute as hell.)

The Kid Must Think It's New Year's Eve or Something

Imagine another set of stairs that looks just like this.

Imagine a toddler on this set of stairs patting a pile of this paper on to her head while giggling.

Imagine walking up these stairs into a bedroom that is not yours to find the paper shredder tipped over and half emptied across the bedroom floor.

Imagine glancing up to see the shelves of the closet in the bedroom that isn't yours covered in piles of this shredded paper.

Do you laugh? Cry? Run and hide and swear she isn't yours? Or do you kick yourself for not thinking to grab the camera much more quickly?

This is the kind of thing that happens when you leave a mischievous toddler to her own devices for three minutes. She starts out chasing the poor kitty and doggie to discover something much more fun, clever and creative.

Note to self: Never let the quiet time of an unseen toddler exceed 30 seconds.

Li'l Bumble Bee

This was the first year she actually got to go out and do anything in her costume. Before now, we didn't have the time or the places to go for it to matter. We were pretty excited to have the time AND the places to take her this year. Then I got hit with the flu (which was tons of fun in case you're wondering) and she decided to skip her nap for the day. By the time it was trick-or-treating time, she was a demon-bee and no fun at all. Though no matter how grouchy she was, she had no problem lighting up for every new person to "look!" at her adorable little dress. She was very proud of it. I would have to agree with her, it is pretty cute.

But next year, she's most definitely napping first!

Project Say Something: My Dream Do-Over

If given the opportunity to relive your life, what would you change?

The list I could make here would be huge. I'm not one of those people to tout "I have no regrets," or "everything I've done has led me to where I am so I wouldn't change a thing." Load of crap. There will always be things I wish I could change, no matter where it landed me in the end.

I wouldn't have flaked out and given up during the National Qualifying debate tournament my senior year.
I wouldn't have cared so much about what people thought of me because those people don't matter in the long run anyway.
I wouldn't have left Salt Lake the first time I moved out there.
I wouldn't have just walked away from countless friendships and people because it wasn't easy or convenient for me.
I wouldn't have completely destroyed the entire rest of my life the summer of '97.
I wouldn't have waited so long to have kids.
I wouldn't have quit school without getting the damn degree I've probably paid for three times over by not getting one.
I wouldn't let myself get beaten down time and time again.
I would have traveled a whole lot more when I was a whole lot younger.
I would let toxic relationships die.
I would be more honest and speak my mind a whole lot more.
I would tell people how I really feel, not what they want to hear or are afraid of hearing.
I would have wasted a lot less time in an absolutely miserable situation because I was terrified of the alternative (hey, I'm there now and it's not so bad. I wasted 6 months for that.)

But the number one thing I would change if given the chance to go back and do so - I know there are a lot of answers I should have for this, and there are some answers some people would say would be better - but the one thing I would change, in a heartbeat, given everything else that has happened (read: stupid decisions I've made), I NEVER would have left my job in March.

Project Say Something: I Have Good Qualities, Too. Really.

What is one personal characteristic you have that you would like to change?

Negative. Angry. Untrusting. Judgmental. Worrier. Whiner. Allow myself to be taken advantage of. Allow myself to be manipulated. Lacking ambition. Non-committal. No will-power. Procrastinator. Hypocritical. Bitchy. Impatient. Unrealistic expectations. Inconsiderate. Push-over. Paranoid.

Oh. Wait.

Just one?

That one would be how indecisive I am.

Project Say Something: My Movie Life

If your life were a TV Show or Movie, what would it be and why?

I am going to finally try to get caught up on these. It's been a while. There are a few to get through. Bear with me.

Way back when this question was asked, my answer was The Devil Wears Prada. However, now, I'm going to have to go with Nightmare Before Christmas.

I know, you're thinking, "huh? how?"

I hear this question at least 500 times a day.