When You’re the Villain

 What do you do when you’re the villain of the story? You’re the bad guy, the cause of the drama and issues and frustrations, you’re the problem? When everything for everyone would be cleaner and easier and better without you in the mix? What do you do when you’re the complication? You’re the reason things have gone wrong, been bad? When you don’t see that as ever able to change? What do you do when you feel like the lost cause?

Finding My 42

This post is a culmination of a number of unrelated happenings over the past little while.

It all started with being invited over to a neighbor's house for dinner....

A few weeks ago, we went to dinner at a neighbor's with a couple of other families from the neighborhood - so we could meet and get to know some of the neighbors. It was great fun but it turned out, two of the guys were dealers. Dealers of *MY* kinda drug.... pop culture merchandise. After talking with them, I came home and started browsing their website, Seven Times Six. Yes, I'm a geek but no, I don't do math. So it never occurred to me to do THAT math - even though they specifically called out it was taken straight from Hitchhiker's Guide. Whatever. I'm not so bright all the time. In reading about their site, I came across their "Find Your 42" mantra. Holy crap. I LOVED that. I thought about it non-stop for days and just how brilliant it was.

At some point in this same time period, I ran across this post from A Mighty Girl about a girl being bullied for her interest in Star Wars. Until I read that, it never once EVER occurred to me that my daughter might some day be bullied, teased, mocked, harassed, ridiculed or anything for her interests. She's always been the little girl into super heroes and Star Wars and Doctor Who and Supernatural and Captain Hammer and Firefly and all things geeky and not exactly "girlie." So far, anyone who finds out about her interests has had nothing but amazing things to say about how awesome it is. "Anyone" has always been adults who *know* it's pretty damn cool. We've yet to encounter the kids' perspective. She plays with the girls, she plays with the boys, they both think she's cool as can be. But she's in a tight-knit group. And kids don't get too mean this young. So until I read that article, it never crossed my mind that as she grows up, kids can be mean. That fractured my very being and I didn't even want to deal with the idea of it.

Also during this time period, Elena became very adamant that she get to be a Stormtrooper for Comic Con this fall. (Which helped that article really hit home given the specific costume choice.) Of course, my response was "You betcha!" Cuz why wouldn't it be? I hadn't read that article yet or thought anything of it other than she'd make a damn cute little Stormtrooper.

So here is where these pieces come together. Yes, I am going to get her a Stormtrooper costume for Comic Con. And if she decides she really does want to be Hulk for Halloween, I'll let her do that too. She is who she is and I am proud of that.

In all of this, I have found a big part of *my* 42. Letting my kids be who they are. As different, as non-conventional, as sassy, as geeky or as girlie as they want to be, I'm behind them 100%.

I am going to get Elena that Stormtrooper costume and I am going to teach her to ROCK IT like nobody's business and be proud of who she is. And, if I have to teach the little one to simply tell others to "suck it!" so be it. Because she can rock that tomboy-geek and her mom's whole point is to be behind her as strong as I can be the whole way.

That's my 42.

Big fans of FanX

Prepare for picture overload. Last weekend we went to the Salt Lake Comicon FanX. It was awesome. The costumes people create can be downright amazing. A number of the vendors are so very amazingly talented. The celebrity sightings aren't too bad, either.

Walking around the convention with the girls on Saturday, I thought to myself, "You know, bringing them to this with the costumes and the people here, they are never going to grow up judging people by their looks!" Thousands of people dressed in every which way, in varying degrees of costuming and some insane, pretty out there ideas of costuming and characters, and not once did the kids think anyone was weird or strange or out of the ordinary. Having that realization made me determined to keep taking them every chance I get. They love it at face value, the characters, the people, the fun but knowing they're getting a little bit of culture and some life lessons, well what could be wrong with that?

So, without further ado, here are some pictures to amuse you and settle down those few of you that keep asking to see them and I keep forgetting to share...

 Last year, she REFUSED to allow Superman in her picture with Batman. This year, she was all over it. 

Yes, we're all ready to run away with the Doctor!

This was the first time E had ever let someone paint her face. She LOVED it. (It was Batman, how could she not?)

They weren't nearly as interested in the mermaid as they were in petting the gigantic snake.

This cosplayer has some amazing photos of her dressed as Poison Ivy. Both girls have been beyond obsessed with Poison Ivy and "Batman and Robin" for WAY too long. Of course, E had to have her picture taken with the Poison Ivy girl. 

She wanted her picture with every version of Batman we would pass. 

This was the only time E was like, "Ehhh.... maybe not but it's so super cool, but ehh... maybe not." The angel lifted her mask to show E it was okay and she felt MUCH better. Nice that it's one of the scariest Doctor Who baddies to actually get her to take a step back.

She actually had me chase down Wolverine to get her picture with him.

Why isn't M in more pictures, you ask? She took a camera of her own this time so she was much more excited about taking photos than being in them. It was awesome. She did get a few pretty good pictures as well. But as soon as she saw Rainbow Dash, she was all over getting her picture taken.

The X-Men ladies really wanted E to be in a picture with them but she flat out refused. M said she'd do it so she jumped on in. As we walked away, I asked E why she wouldn't do it when the X-Men are her favorite. She said, "Because they were all girls. There weren't any of the BOYS X-Men." Oh. Yes. Of course. Silly me. How could I not have known?

And this is how they entertained themselves for about 20 minutes of the 3ish hours we stood in line to spend 1.8 seconds with the amazingly awesome Nathan Fillion. 

Overall we had a really great time. They got to see Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffud), Spike (James Marsters) from Buffy (yeah, AWESOME), Jayne (Adam Baldwin) from Firely, Darla (Julie Benz) from Buffy, Amy freaking Pond (Karen Gillan) from Doctor Who (she was so sweet and friendly and just downright as awesome as you would want her to be - we all loved her!), I'm sure there were others. They so very desperately wanted to see Professor X (Patrick Stewart), but sadly, so did half the state of Utah. 

We are all looking VERY forward to doing it all again for Comicon in September. Though, I gotta say, how you beat Patrick Stewart and Nathan Fillion, I have no idea. Do you think they can outdo themselves now?? Just damn awesome.

A Year and Three-ish Months Later...

Hmm... Yeah... Well... Hey there. It's been a little while. For some reason, I've decided to resurface. I'd like to say I've rediscovered my voice or have something amazing and profound to share or that I simply just miss seeing my words on the screen. It's more likely that I'm extremely lazy and no longer do any sort of documenting of any life events, big or small, and since I spend so much time online, well, it kind of just makes sense. So I guess we'll just have to see how it all plays out this time around...

Caoonting to Zoe

Dear First-Grade Daughter Learning to Spell,

          I know you know I am a bit insane when it comes to spelling. I know your teacher tells you spelling doesn't matter right now, she just wants to get you guys writing words and working on your handwriting. I understand that. I really do. However. I can't let go. Spelling is a big thing for me. A really big thing. So....

         In English, we actually spell it cOUnted (pounce, hound, found, round). The "ou" makes that sound. Unless of course we're writing about a cOW (pow, how, now, bow). Oh, except there is bow that rhymes with tow, like what you would do to a car (row, mow, show, low). Unless, of course, you're writing about the things on the end of your feet, in which case, it would be spelled toe (doe, foe, hoe). But then, oh then, then there is "oe" like in Chloe and Zoe. And you know what? You go right ahead and write it "caoonted." The English language is a terrible form of torture, sweety. We have plenty of years to torment you with it.

                            Love,
                                 Your Mommy Who NEVER in a MILLION YEARS Thought She Would EVER, ever, ever, ever, ever Cave on Spelling

Sandy, the Elf - 2012 Edition

Mean Girls

I am a mean girl.

No, not the pretty, entitled, popular, mean-just-because-I-can-be kind.  Not the beat-the-holy-living-crap-out-of-you-because-I’m-a-badass kind.

In facing a recent situation, having to take a step back and really examine behaviors, I’ve realized there are mean girls of all kinds.  I wasn’t a “popular” girl in school.  I was never part of “that” crowd.  I was never really part of any “clique.”  I’m still not one of *those* women.  I’m not the rich, spoiled, better –than-anyone, clique-y type.  (Boy, do they scare the hell out of me because I’m surrounded by them.) But that doesn’t mean that there weren’t people I wasn’t nice to.  That there weren't times I stupidly acted like that type of mean girl.  That there haven't been times even now I haven't jumped right on that bad-mouthing, bitch bandwagon and let the cruel freely fly.  

I’ve never deliberately set out to hurt someone, never been blatantly mean or cruel, but I’ve realized it’s my indirect actions that can and have caused just as much pain and hurt.  

I am a kind, nice, fiercely loyal friend who will do anything for those I care about and who has absolutely NO spine whatsoever.  Somewhere along the way (oh senior year of high school without being specific! J ), I was somehow taught that it was not only acceptable, but GOOD! to not treat everyone with equal levels of kindness and respect; if you don’t like someone, by God! don’t treat them like you do! Discriminate for goodness sake.  Treat people how you feel about them; being nice to everyone is fake and weak.  I get the fake.  I have a hard time being fake and an even harder time with people who are fake with me.  It however, has nothing to do with weakness.  The person who can bite her tongue and be the better person is a hell of a lot stronger than the one with diarrhea of the mouth.  There is a fine line between honesty and cruelty and some people need to learn to walk that line a little bit better.  I can often be one of those people.

No, I will probably not change my behavior all that much.  If I don’t like you, I’m not going to kiss your ass or bend over backwards for you.  I do, however, feel quite a bit of guilt for the times in the past when I have made poor judgment calls and hurt people I never meant to; people who thought they were my friends.  Even now, knowing there are people I have hurt (probably even just today!) with my cruel and sometimes unjust words makes me feel like a horrible person.  That’s not who I want to be.

More importantly, I have an example to set.  I have people looking to me to learn how to treat others.  I will not in any way stand for my children thinking it’s okay to pick on others, disrespect anyone or be mean just because they can.  I will also not stand for them thinking it’s okay for anyone to do it to them.  So I will alter my behavior in how I talk about people and how I approach intense, hostile or delicate situations and I will pay much closer attention when I am doing that in front of my children.

While I may be a mean girl, I do not want to raise them.  But damn straight, I will raise strong, independent, think-for-themselves, fierce little chicas.  Now just to find that fine line between the two.